we were not friends, but i knew of you through sarah. she would make posts on facebook, you guys would comment back and forth about the content, every now and then i would jump in. i always enjoyed what you had to say, whether it was serious or funny. listen, i’m not going to preach to you about what you did, i didn’t know you well enough, or know anything about what your life was like. i do know that i will miss seeing your comments and the conversations we had with sarah. i am sorry i missed the opportunity to become your friend. i know sarah is missing you a lot and that makes me sad. i just wanted to tell you that i’m sorry about whatever made you feel like you had to jump ship. i don’t doubt society’s opinions on being “different” was a contributing factor. but again, i didn’t know what you were going through in your personal life either. i don’t know what your beliefs were, or if you had any, so please don’t take offense at me saying i hope the other side has greener pastures. that you’ve found the warm and perfect embrace of a pack of wind spirits. or perhaps the complete euphoria of gliding through the cosmos and becoming stardust again. or at least that you’ve found release from your suffering. and if you believed in re-incarnation, i hope that your next life is as blessed and amazing as it deserves to be. you are missed, fiona. so long and take care.
lydia
ah to join the bandwagon of "lets go down memry lane and talk about how crappy/awesome 2011 was."
good shit:
- megan and i moved in together ~~~<3
- had my first solo show, which turned out amazing and i had a lot of wonderful response.
- i graduated with my BFA in photography (after six fucking years)!
- got some amazing graduation gifts (including a lovely digital slr, an alien bee strobe + accessories, a light stand, etc)
- my mom found out about megan and us living together and it wasn't as life shattering as i thought it'd be, but it's still proving to be a struggle.
- got some awesome camping in.
- i quit smoking.
- had a nom nom thanksgiving.
- cooked my first turkey dinner on xmas eve AND IT WAS INDESCRIBABLY BEAUTIFUL.
- had an amaaaaaaazing christmas, i can't even tell you.
- got new ink (which is still healing).
- and hung out with great people a lot.
bad shit:
- i graduated (which means i lost my amazing photo lab job, and miss being a student).
- got a job at michaels and constantly feel pathetic for being a college graduate and working in retail (and not being able to pay all my stupid bills).
- had to start paying off my student loan debt (but i made it not so crappy by consolidating, even though i'll have to pay more back in the end).
- miss being a smoker which is bad because why do i miss it??
- megan's mom is ill and everything is up in the air on what the next course of action is. she's in pain constantly though and it stresses megan out and makes her depressed and therefore i get depressed because everyone that knows me knows that i can't deal with people suffering. I HAVE TO MAKE IT BETTER and i can't and that BLOWS.
stuff that i want to do/accomplish in 2012:
- get the job at vanderbilt that i applied for back at the end of november. i keep thinking they've filled it since i haven't heard anything back, but my mom and megan are trying to reassure me that they would have sent out a "thank you for your interested but we've decided to go with another candidate" letter. which is true, they would. because vandy always does. i was getting really depressed about it until my mom pointed out that if the job is on the university side, then they're all on holiday and that would be the precise reason nothing has happened yet. no one is in the fucking office! and that alone made my hopes shoot into the cosmos. seriously, keep your fingers crossed for me.
- go camping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- ride bikes with megan all through the spring.
- become an all around more active person.
- apply to get a free trip to japan. i really hope this thing goes through. cause i'll go. radiation and all, bitches.
- apply for the aaron siskind photography grant and GET IT!
- just do more photography in general. i don't do it as often because i've been feeling really depressed about my life's purpose and goal. i'm lacking inspiration. and i want to get back into it. i wonder if there are any photography/creativity challenges online somewhere that will get my inspiration flowing again?
- visit a city i've never been to before.
- lose 20lbs (a healthy and realistic goal).
- DON'T start smoking again--no matter how much i miss it!!
- get my driver's license.
- save enough money to get a car.
- feeling.:
thoughtful
in other news my consolidation went completely through and instead of paying almost $200 a month in student loans i will now be paying $90 a month. give or take. if i have extra money i'll probably put more towards it every now and then.
i'm so sick of michaels. i really really feel like the biggest loser ever. i know it's a job and i keep telling myself that. it's money. it's money. but it's not even enough money and i know i'm better than being a cashier at michaels.
really cool weird leggings--like nebula and crazy zig zag patterns and flowers
ugly old man sweaters
a cool set of antique metal storage drawers (like the set lisa had in cade's room when we lived at keller)
a kindle fire
round trip tickets to japan
the job at vanderbilt i have applied for and am still waiting to hear back from (fingers crossed!)
and new ink
i'm adding to this list:
a million dollars
an awesome haircut
a swanked out treehouse
a sloppy jalopy
the new zelda game that's coming out soon
the south park game that doesn't come out until next summer probably
to hang out with my friends every weekend drinkin some beer, watchin movies, ridin bikes, and playin video games
a new phone
LOTS OF NEW INK (i have like 10 tattoos that i want to get)
AND!
a house with at least 3 bedrooms so that megan and i can each have our own play rooms. mine would be an art/sewing/craft room. hers would be an office/game/movie room. WITH AN AWESOME KITCHEN THAT HAS A DISHWASHER. and plenty of counter space and cabinet space. and a huge fridge+freezer combo. and big windows in the living room. with hardwood floors. and a window/bench seat. and a creepy cool finished attic. and a chilly basement that could be an additional hangout room for parties and weird random jam sessions where we play musical instruments made out of like tin cans and fuckin wooden spoons. oh and a fireplace in the living room! and i would want the kitchen to be big enough to have a table because i don't like dining rooms. kitchen tables are so much more fun. and a fenced-in backyard that was huge so we could have a dog and a firepit. and trees all over the lot. and high ceilings. and a covered front porch that wraps around, with a swing. and windchimes hanging outside the front door. and a screen door on the front door so that we could have it open during the fall. plus i like the fwap! sound it makes when someone just lets it shut on its own. and our bedroom would have a giant king sized bed with a down mattress topper. and i would make a really cool kind of canopy thing to hang over the bed, but not obstruct getting in/out of bed. and the bathroom would have a separate shower and bathtub. and the bathtub would be huge. and there'd be an awesome record player in the craft room that i mentioned earlier. and i'd have a huge record collection and play records all day long on my days off. and carl would be there to keep us company. and we'd have a golden doodle doggie.
and that's what i want for xmas. :)
- feeling.:
dreeeeaming!
i'm an uber-dork. i carved vault-boy from fallout 3. not the best image of it, but it was BALLIN.
- feeling.:
awake
- feeling.:
artistic
- feeling.:
determined
- feeling.:
melancholy
hmm..i dunno. i don't really shout unless i'm drunk. or cheering for someone. uhhhhhh. I LOVE POONTANG?
Day 30 - Anything LGBT you’d like to end this on.
doing this has been difficult because my memory concerning remembering to DO things is like fucking swiss cheese. but at the same time it was pretty cathartic.
- feeling.:
hungry
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